


Here Lies Jason Todd

by CamsthiSky



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Alfred has one line, And Jason curses like once, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 07:20:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10381494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CamsthiSky/pseuds/CamsthiSky
Summary: From a prompt meme on tumblr#17: "Oh, just digging myself a nice grave, you?” with Dick and Jason.





	

“Jason?” Dick can’t help but ask, because, that is definitely a three-foot hole in the middle of Alfred’s garden, and he’s really curious, but also kind of fearful for his—and Jason’s—life when Alfred finds out. “Jason, what are you doing?”

“Oh, just digging myself a nice grave,” Jason says, not even bothering to look up at him. “You?”

Dick stares at him for a moment, because he’d really thought Jason had gotten past the _insane_ part. Now, though. Now he wonders if that’s actually true or if Jason just has a death wish. Because if Alfred doesn’t kill him, then Bruce definitely will, if only for upsetting Alfred.

Then again, maybe not. Bruce still gets that twisted guilt-slash-sadness-slash-what-the-heck-do-I-say-to-the-son-who-tried-to-kill-me look every time Jason even so much as looks at him.

“Do you want to die?” Dick blurts out, and he _can’t help it._

Jason snorts. “I’m digging a _grave_ , Dickie.”

“You didn’t actually answer the question, Jay.”

Jason throws down his shovel and climbs out of his nice three-foot hole in the middle of Alfred’s garden like it’s _nothing_. It’s clearly not, and has Jason _really_ been dead long enough to forget that Alfred is going to kill him? Is that even possible?

“What do you want me to say?” Jason asks, and he’s on the defensive now.

Whoops.

“Maybe, uh, start with the reason you’re digging a hole in Alfred’s garden?” Dick suggests weakly.

“I wanted to surprise Alfred with a new garden bed,” Jason says, and the worst part is that he doesn’t look at all ashamed or embarrassed. Not even a _little_ bit. And Dick isn’t sure he wants to know what made Jason decide he wanted to do _that_ of all things for Alfred.

Dick’s eyes slide to what’s supposed to be a _garden bed,_ and he cringes. “Jay, that’s a hole. You dug a hole.”

“Right, well, see, that’s just it,” Jason tells him, jumping back into the hole to continue digging. “I messed up the garden bed, so I thought I might as well just dig my grave instead. My second death will be the one to tell real stories about. You know, so the new kids know not to mess with Alfie. I’m think about making a sign, too.”

“What a minute, what new kids?” Dick asks, alarm building up.

“What do you think about _Here lies Jason Todd, this is what happens when you mess with Alfred, bastards._ Think Bruce’ll go for it?”

_“What new kids?”_

“If he doesn’t, I need you to do it behind his back.”

Dick shoots him a sour look. “I can just tell Alfred what happened and he’ll give the look again. Ya know, _the_ look. And instead of dying, you’ll have to live with the fact that you disappointed him.”

Jason swears, hopping out of the hole to push in some dirt. “Okay, crap. Crap. Help me fill this hole right now, Dickface.”

“Yeah, as soon as you tell me, _what new kids?”_

“The orphans, Dick, the orphans.”

“What orphans?” Dick asks. “What are you even talking about?”

“Bruce has a problem, you see. First you, then me, then the Replacement, and then the Demon Brat-”

“Damian’s not an orphan.”

Jason waves him off. “Close enough. Now get down here and help me fill this hole before I shoot you and make this _your_ grave.”

 _“There_ he is.”

“Just get over here, Grayson.”

* * *

“Master Jason, if I might inquire, why are you and Master Richard covered head to toe in dirt?”

“Busted,” Dick snickers.

Jason points at him. “You, Dickhead, are an accomplice. If I’m going down, I’m taking you with me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts are open on tumblr, so feel free to stop by @camsthisky and request one.


End file.
